Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Dumpster Diving Diva

I'm not a diva.  I sing soprano, and have met dozens of real life, in the flesh divas.  In college a diva even wore a Jessica Rabbit dress to rehearsal.  I am nothing close to diva.  The title is misleading, but I liked the alliteration and the paradox.  I'm probably dead center, between diva, and dumpster-diver.  Well, except for this morning when I actually was dumpster-diving for moving boxes.

I am no stranger to combing the rodent infested back-side of the local retailers and groceries.  I intend to perfect the art/demoralizing predicament while packing up this time, as we move to another house.

The easier approach is to simply buy new boxes, but I am way too thrifty to buy something if I can scrounge.  If you ever find yourself having to move, here are some tips, techniques and advise for moving-box-procurement.  Enjoy!

  • Watch the weather.  No one likes fishing through rotting cardboard.  If it looks like rain, do not delay.
  • Go early, less people are out shopping before 9am and it is less likely that someone will see you head first in a cardboard only dumpster.
  • Disregard the expired animal life to the left and right of the cardboard only dumpster.  Yesterday there was a mummied bird of prey (just in time for Halloween?).
  • Bring the stool your children used to reach the sink as toddlers if you are less than 5 foot 6 inches (my height).  Your arms are not long enough to reach that choice box just inches from your fingers.  You are too scared/smart to jump into a dumpster to get it, after watching too many crime investigation shows on television(when you had television) even if it says cardboard only. Which leads me to...
  • Do not prop yourself up on the edge of the dumpster like a gymnast on the high bar and hope that you can reach down, resting on your hips, to get a box.  While it is true you may reach it, you can NEVER reverse the predicament, and you will fall on your head into the boxes (I have low body-mind connection).
  • Heist broken down boxes from shoe shops and craft shops.  They smell way better.  Pizza shops and grocery stores are going to have more stench, and rodents.
  • Dive into the recycle bin at your local newspaper.  Ours puts out all the stacks of misprints and trials into a big bin that anyone can fish through.  This morning, I asked a man loading it if there was any extra stacks I could take home to use for my dishes.  He looked around sneakily to see if anyone was looking, and then carried a 25 lb. roll of left over, newsprint-less paper to my car.  I didn't even have to lift it (that was the only diva bit about the whole morning)!!    Shhhh....

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