Every year at Easter I find myself having the same feeling. It's a feeling besides the tickle in the back of my throat, itchy skin and sneezing nose. It's such a strong feeling, almost as physical as those allergic reactions to procreating plants. It is a physical longing, yes, but as we are more than just a body, my physical wants can also be spiritual.
I am longing to walk barefoot on my wood floor with warm feet. I'm longing to look down at my arms, without seeing the stretched and frayed cuffs, of my over-warn sweater. I want to wait for hot water in the shower, and to dry off, without a short episode of hypothermia.
This year Easter is later in the year than usual, and yet I still find myself with the same sense of longing for the next thing. It made me wonder if there is a connection. It seems that I'm not the only one stricken with longing at Easter, or this season of the year. People through the ages have been wanting for the bounty and rebirth of Spring and Summer. They are wanting for their physical comfort, and the unseen part of themselves. Could you imagine Easter in November? No.
Today, the unseen part of me is basking in the moment, and looking forward to blueberries, flip-flops, mosquito bites, late evening barbecues, zinnias, swimsuits and tomatoes.
It was snowing while I was running on the treadmill on Friday. I watched the snow fall into the trees while I booked with my iPod tunes in my ears, in relative indoor comfort. Here is what was running through my head:
If it weren't for modern technology, I couldn't run during a snow storm. Also, if it weren't for modern technology I wouldn't need to run during a snow storm.
If I lived 100 years ago, I'd be hauling and chopping wood, milking goats, walking miles to the grocery and eating potatoes from the cellar from last fall. I wouldn't have time to get antsy from all the cold, dark weather of the last six months. I wouldn't have the free-time, or the need to run. What an interesting and exciting time to be.
I am driving a car I made money on (kinda). Usually cars are not investments, they are like boats, or RVs, they cost more money than they are worth in the end (which is why I don't like to get an interest-bearing loan for them). Here is how it worked:
I used to drive a 1993 Honda Civic which my grandpa bought for me ($0 for me), then I had a kid, and we didn't fit in that two door car. We bought another two door car, whose seats folded into the dash so I could nearly stand in the back seat to put the babies in car seats. That car, which was a 1998 WV New Beetle, went to car heaven in 2009.
The insurance company gave us more than we paid in 2003 for the car, and we bought the next car, a 1996 Passat, for less than the insurance gave us. Leaving us $1000 in the black! ( I get it, with gas, repairs and maintenance, we didn't really make money)
Photo courtesy of my then 5 year old with a point and shoot camera!
I have now been driving a "free" car, which is old-ish, for 1 1/2 years. It gets great gas mileage, it is a turbo diesel, it can go fast, it is comfortable, it is cute, and it is green. Sometimes I think I will need a new car, but then I remember, the newness will wear off, and I like my car. There is one problem. The doors do not work, meaning, some or most do not open or shut. I am wondering how many doors need to be broken shut, or open, before the car is useless.
As I was letting the irony of a working car with no working doors wash over me, I remembered another cool car that has no working doors. As long as my windows work, I don't need a new car!!
I can imagine my children jumping through the open window from the pick-up line at their elementary school. I'll be the coolest mom ever?
My friend asked me a question about my cat yesterday, that made me think about him a bit more than usual. The thought is quite basal, my cat is alive. He is quite fortunate to be alive. He once traveled 3 miles through the woods from my in-law's house while we were in Europe for 2 weeks. We arrived home thinking he was lost, but he was just starving at home, with no one to feed him. You can read about that super awesome story here. He was shredded by some dogs, and we super-glued him back together (really, it worked! no vet bills).
X-ray, one of the biggest cats ever.
I got this cat because I hate mice, more than I dislike cats. I don't really like cats, but I HATE mice and rats. I keep a clean house, but was pestered by rodents until 2006 when we got a cat. The mice are gone, and we don't have to put poison or traps out to steer clear of Hantavirus.
The question was, "It seems you just feed your cat, so it doesn't die?"
Which made me check myself. It didn't take me long to answer yes. Sadly, yes. My cat is rather soul-less. He's a slave to his belly and his own satisfaction (typical cat). I don't hate him, but didn't even think that I'm solely maintaining a live creature so that he wont die. I am. I feed him what he doesn't get from the rodents. He whines all day so that I might feed him more, he relieves himself in the warm, dry garage, he poops in the flower beds, and he slithers into our house and into the inner-workings of our couch to hide.
I should move away from maintaining our 'pet', and enjoy him. I should accept him for his 'cat-ness'. His characteristics are attributes that turn me off in others, and I HATE in myself: selfishness, gluttony, laziness, dirtiness, hairy-ness, sneakiness, dependence.... It's no wonder I don't like our cat, because I see in him the things I don't like about myself, and I'm allergic to it.
